Thursday, 20 December 2007

The Cloacamite Conspiracy

The cloacamite is the durulz courtesan of the Empire, often a slave, though not exclusively so, and a prized possession of many a Rinliddi nest. Most cloacamites are juvenile durulz of either sex, though some are mere ducklings when inducted into the prized cloacamite academies of First Blessed, most notably in Ganbarri and Nenuvus.

The common cloacamite is no mere nest-warmer, but a considerably educated and socially adept durulz; a heady combination of sycophant, body-servant, companion, muse, valet and major-domo. This durulz frequently takes a major role in the running of any household, overseeing its master's clients and avilry with a dedicated eye.

Dressed in the finest togas of Kralori silk and perfumed with the flowered-waters of the Jords, the cloacamite is typically fluent in several languages (linguistic and erotic), and trained to achieve a melodious warble and sensuous grace in the tragi-comic durulz songs and dances beloved of Rinliddi nobility, whose bizarre mixture of introspective melancholy and hilarious pratfalls are unique in the lands of the Goddess.

Far from a simple object of fancy and pride, many cloacamites achieve considerable wealth and real political power through patronage and their own abilities. Their activities make them ideal spies and assassins, and the cloacamite is a prominent agent in the Dart Wars endemic to First Blessed and the Empire as a whole.

Cloacamites are despised by many in the Empire, and rumour-mongering of their malign influence on any prominent noble is common. Such rumours are occasionally true, as in the occasion a Rinliddi noble placed his favoured cloacamite, WaaOronish Irrumator, in command of the Diavizzi Guard, a regiment of the Garrison Army. Argenteus is himself believed to possess his own copulation of cloacamites (the correct collective noun), which he finds riotous company.

Abilities: Alluring Dance, Fine-Feathered Eroticism, Feign Emotion, [Local Culture] Etiquette, Manipulate Companion, Mine Gossip, Oversee Nest, Perform [Cloacamite Art], Preen Self, Sing Durulz Paean, Social Scheming, Speak [Language].

Typical Personality Traits: Indolent, Preening, Selfish, Sycophantic, Vain. Typical Relationship: to Favoured Client, to Master, to Other Cloacamites (usually negative and dismissive in form).

Typical Followers: A particularly wealthy cloacamite might possess his own servants, perfumiers and feather-smoother, though even the lowliest soon asserts his dominance over the many servants of a master's household.

Standard of Living: Prosperous.

(Originally posted on HeroQuest-RPG, 2 August 2005. A revised version is contained in the monograph "Ten Woonar! Quacky-Quacky!" Pimps, Pushers, Prostitutes and Preverts in the Military Occupation of Sartar, by yours truly.)